The moment I saw your pictures on my news feed, my heart dropped. I literally wanted to start crying and nothing felt right. My mind went in so many directions. I wanted to smile because of how nice you looked, but at the same time I wanted to cry since you were with someone else. I just hope when you come home in December things aren’t like this. I want to talk more and I want to spend time with you. This sucks and now my night is ruined. 

I suggest listening to her cover of Hiding My Heart. It’s really good and the lyrics are generally relevant to situations involving boys. If you do decide to listen to it, keep an ear open at the end where she says “I can’t spend my whole life hiding my heart away” That’s what it all comes down to. No matter what happened and no matter what will happen you have to keep going. You’re going to find someone to chase you when the time comes. There may be some heartbreakers that cross your path but in the end, when you find the boy that will chase after you, you won’t regret any of it. For now, however, don’t draw yourself back in fear of being hurt again. Don’t hide your heart so deep that not even your true love can find it. You’re beautiful and your soul mate is out there. I promise.

My first love was far less than anything I’d ever expected. A Taylor Swift defined romance. He loves her and I love him. I was never able to win. Even when I did get the opportunity to call him mine, he was just using me. He wanted to please his mom so he could fool around—with everyone else. He claimed to care and I’d always come back. If he ever needed someone, I was there. I was always there. I let him use me, lie to me, cheat on me, yet I always came back. I guess that’s what love is though, right? No matter what someone puts you through, true love puts up with it. That’s what I was. Eventually I gave up. My heart was broken so many times and not even the truest of love could survive any more. We lost touch and now we’re just friends. I pass by on occasion and he pops up on facebook sometimes. Do I miss him? No. Should I? No. Do I sometimes catch myself saying “what if?” Yeah, I do. I can’t help it. He was my first love.

First kiss. Hm. Once again, far less that I’d ever expected. It was taken by the person described above. It was at church, near the skate park. Who would have thought? I’d love someone, let them take something so important to me, and then let them throw me by the wayside. I was never that girl. I never let guys get to me that much. I was never that affected. I don’t understand, even to this day, why he had such an effect on me. Maybe I never will. 

Added at 9:06pm — Notes